🥀 No Wilting 🥀

Hello Adventurers, 

Just to clarify: me being a difficult person predates this difficult marathon project of mine…just ask my exes (be they former lovers or past employers). But hey, perfection is a process…so I have a lifetime to fix my flaws. Just kidding! I love imperfection…so fuck the process…because I am doomed. And while I am a big dumbo idiot marred by arrested development that prefers the magic of make-believe to the asininity of adulthood…I do know that it is wise to hold space for others — from time to time — to show genuine gratitude.

As such, I’m mixing things up this week because we just celebrated my wife’s 40th birthday for the second year in a row (she’ll always be 40 until she tells me otherwise) — and I have asked sooo much of her this year — and because everyone I’ve met this year (and like, just in general) cannot believe that someone would actually marry me / cannot believe one’s spouse would accept — let alone accommodate — a project like the Marathon Earth Challenge (which riskily splits me from someone I made a huge commitment to when we tied the knot). Plus, my wife is a totally normal person and we probably present like a lawyer taking her delinquent client to a probation sentencing with some magistrate. So this whole issue is dedicated to Kween Christine.

Everyone always has lots of questions about all my marathoning in relation to my marriage…and I just wanted to answer things in a manner that’s really honest while honestly celebrating my wife Christine (AKA The Missus AKA The Portugoose AKA The Pink Princesa AKA Sweetheart AKA Crispy Larege…she hates that last one).

So this is a one-off issue about love — a rock that gets occasionally rocky whilst always still a gem — which is something I’ve thought A LOT about this year, and something I really thought about on the six marathons I cranked out since publishing the last newsletter. Love and marathons aren’t easy, but I hope you find this — which is about both — to be a pleasant, easy, and feel good read.

- Ben Pobjoy

P.S. And no…I know what you’re thinking — LOL — this issue isn’t me offering up writing as some criminally cheap-ass substitute for buying my wife birthday gifts. I’ll have you know that I actually got the missus some books in Amsterdam and some housewares in Vilnius while on marathons in those places, and I filled in the gaps with some more gift shopping on marathons in Toronto. And I think I did a pretty good job because my wife opened the gifts painfully slow (plz just tear those mofos open), photographed them all individually in real-time (why?), and then saved the wrapping paper (which no man can compute…nor has ever done in the entire history of mankind).

Lastly, I asked my wife to write a ‘no holds barred’ guest essay for this issue about her experience with my project…but she’s a journalist and was like, “I need more specific inputs to give you what you’re looking for — and I need to clear it with work — and I need… blah blah blah.” So…too complicated (just like marriage)…and you’ll unfortunately just be hearing from me…but if you’re a longtime reader then you know I unflinchingly roast myself on the reg…so I’ll probably kick it realer by myself than with Christine…because she is a loving and kind person (that never punches down…even though I routinely deserve uppercuts to my visage). ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2023 TREK TRACKER

Where in the world...record am I?

• Countries visited: 42

• Flights taken: 46

• Kilometres flown: 70,387

• Marathons completed: 132

• Kilometres trekked by foot: 6,273

• Total kilometres trekked since 2015: 69,364

RAPID WEEKLY RECAP

A speedy synopsis for time-crunched readers

• The Wildest Thing: Not having access to a laundry dryer machine for three months…and I cannot believe how soft and absorbent they make towels (e.g. feeling like silk over crispy sandpaper)😊

• The Biggest Obstacle: Jet lag…yikes…it’s like a hangover…they hit so much harder in your forties😂

• The Lesson Learned: Marathon distances make the heart grow fonder (and the mind more contemplative)🥰

BEST LOCAL THING-Y

I am beyond grateful that my Sister-in-law Karen adopted my hapless ‘lemon’ of a sweetie pie brother Elliot, and I am also very thankful that she has a severe diary allergy that induces anaphylactic shock. The latter means we have to play it safe and eat a lot of plant-based food at family gatherings — like, so we don’t kill her — and this means I selfishly benefit from scoring vegan food without having to impose my minority beliefs on the majority. Said another way; God is real, and works in mysterious ways. And thankfully Karen is a really great person that we love…but even if she wasn’t, I’d still unconditionally love her as well as her food allergy — even if I were allergic to her and her personality — because I am an empath (or because I like getting my way…without having to advocate for my way).

The shit thing is, is that my wife likes lemony desserts…so an easy way to please the missus / not kill Karen is to order this one lemon chiffon cake that my wife likes from a vegan bakery in Toronto. And because Satan is real, my wife likes lemony desserts like a sophisticated adult whereas I have the gastronomic sensibilities of a five year-old (i.e. vanilla icing or bust…and get all fruit out of all cakes…gross).

That said, I have a ripping sweet tooth that knows no limits / is so woke that it ultimately has no prejudice…so this cake was the best thing I ate this week…because it was the only cake I ate this week; and it was fluffy, moist, and had really good vanilla icing that made the lemony parts somewhat bearable (and I ate three slices…because I’m full of shit in my citrus criticisms, and will basically devour anything sweet even if I profess to hate it).

POBJOY'S GLOBAL PRICE INDEX

This is an on-going documentation of how much things cost in different places around the world. Here are some of the things I bought in Toronto and Mississauga (all prices converted to USD):

• Soy latte with tip from a café in Toronto: $5.89

• Three Rissóis de Camarão as birthday brekkie for the wife…from her fave Portuguese bakery in Toronto: $10.23

• Vegan pad thai, one spring roll, and a 500 millilitre bottle of Pepsi Max from a fast food chain in a Mississauga mall food court: $15.43

MARATHON MUSINGS

The Bee and The Garden

It took me making quite a few mistakes — as well as incompatibility with lovers past — to learn that successful love is actually an ensemble cast enterprise…where some days you’re the ‘lead actor’ and other days you’re required to play the part of the ‘supporting actor.’ And what neither partner can be — ever — is some ‘extra’ in the background…taking up space, and not contributing much. And love is (a) play but love is work, and it can’t be theatre…because it is the production of a lifetime; the quality of which hinges on the strength of one’s performance day in and day out (as an aggregate over years…not a daily ledger of scorekeeping). And the script of it all…you gotta constantly discuss it and mark it up and rewrite it and workshop it…and revise to refine…like for forever, infinity, a boundless love.

And I got married…but then a confluence of crap — like my overly delayed stay in the ill-fitting city that was only ever supposed to be a stopover, and me spending too long in a job in an industry that wasn’t my jam, and then every single one of us getting pummelled by the pandemic — had me feeling like a turd-y ‘extra’ in the banal biopic of my life. Basically, it was my own personal shit plus some planetary diarrhea beyond the bowels of my control. None of it was spectacular — or especially special to me — but it all contributed to making me feel like I was dying on the vine…so something had to give in order for me to thrive and feel alive. And detonation is easier when you’re solo…but risky when you have a partner. Alternately, if you’re a mope — but alone — then only you have to live with your own funk…but when you’re in a relationship…it ain’t nice for someone else to live with a mope. And mope I be not…so the status quo had to go.

But it was a conundrum — ride it out (ad infinitum?) so as to not stir the pot but function as a lesser ‘extra’ for some unknown duration of time to the disservice of myself and my wife? Or cut the shit and go for greatness to — not to be great per se — but to hopefully glean some great lessons from the endeavour and — in turn — grow to become a greater human, friend, and husband?

I’ve already written extensively about how the Marathon Earth Challenge came to be — and blabbed about it on the radio as well as on TV — so I won’t retread this now tired talk track. Instead, I just wanna give you the rundown about my project through the lens of my selfishness — while acknowledging my wife’s selflessness — and just accede to love being a big push-and-pull thing between two people who often have different needs and wants…that must be united in their commitment to their union (which — I think? — can be expressed in different ways so long as it ladders up to the same mission).

Anyhoo, me and my wife are sorta that ‘opposites attract’ thing, like when I first met her I thought she was an alluring attraction…but she felt otherwise and went off in the opposite direction…miraculously coming back to me because — I’m proud to say — I proved to be the least-worst-of-the-totally-horrendous candidates in the dank swampy waters of Toronto’s dating pool. But yeah, she’s the rule follower whereas I’m the rule breaker. And she’s risk adverse whereas I’m risk perverse. And she owns a house and I don’t even own a pot to piss in (I sold my pots and pans to fund this project)…but boy, do I have great stories from a life well-lived (in lieu of material assets from a life well overworked). Anyway, you know the deal; very different people who don’t present as compatible but are…because at our core we share the same core values.

But going a layer deeper…the pandemic was way harder for her than me (I was just bored). Why? Well, my wife needs consistency and routine and lots of time with her family — for her soul, for her mental health, to ward off anxiety, but mostly because she derives so much joy, purpose, connectedness, and meaning from family time. And her…eesh…the pandemic completely upended life as she knew it, and life as she needed it to be (for her to be okay). And it was dark. So I just had to play a lighter ‘supporting actor’ role for those years…trying to lessen the heaviness for her…and do the lion’s share of the lifting — and holding — to keep as much unnecessary weight off of her as possible. And it wasn’t a problem to step up because none of us like seeing / having our loved ones live in pain. But these things are also a drain, having to be constantly ‘on’ when you wish you could occasionally switch off to recharge or zone out to forget…which couldn’t be done ‘cause of the demands of the circumstances. And let me be clear; I have no regrets or resentments…when duty calls, you answer.

And as we slowly exited the pandemic, my wife started the journey of getting back to who she really is, with me trying to nurture the process (which I didn’t really nut). So when I announced my want of doing my project (i.e. leaving for a year within a lifetime together), I believe Christine showed me mercy — via ‘relay baton pass’ between a ‘lead actor’ and ‘supporting actor’ — so we could switch gears and change up the roles for a hot sec…because love is sharing the screen in whatever movie you’re making together.

Remarkably, Christine has been 100% non-stop supportive of my Marathon Earth Challenge from the start…despite it being 1,000% terrible for her needs. And I am 10,000% conscious of this 24/7/365…not because she makes me feel that way (she doesn’t)…but because I know what’s at stake; her, her growth, us, and our growth (all of which are delicate and take constant pollination and nurturing).

So how can I justify my Marathon Earth Challenge? Well, I can’t…the project is selfish. But marathoning — which is a weird thing — it’s just a really brutal practice that you do to push the limits of what you can take (which informs what ‘more’ you can do down the road…done with greater calm and confidence and capabilities and capacities and collectedness from everything accrued). And I think that Christine knows — that if I go deeper into the void of the unknown — I will return with newfound skills and knowledge that enable me to be way more durable. And such can be relied upon to light the way through darkness.

And I can’t fully comment because I’m still in it — but I’ve basically been robbed at implied gunpoint on this project and there’s been an earthquake and people trying to mug me or swindle me or hurl projectiles at me…and me just so far out of my depths and comforts — and all it has done is obliterate my sense of fear and backfilled that once scaredy cat space or place with a razor sharp sense of zen as well as the ability to navigate chaos like never before. And the trade off is that I cannot be of service to Christine right now — as in this year — but by doing what I’m doing this year, I can be of greater service to her in the years to come. Long game shit, y’know.

But that doesn’t make daily life easier today. Like, I’m gone by choice and Christine bears the brunt of it; my absence, me not pitching in around the apartment when I’m elsewhere ‘round the world, me inaccessible as a sounding board, me not there as a confidante to vent to, and me not there in the small moments that accumulate to be representative of the bigness of life. And for that I apologize…and don’t know how to make right and/or make up for. And yet for me, Christine is always there (and felt); because I’m chasing a dream that she enabled me to pursue. Like, if she wasn't on board I’d have never boarded that first plane to Colombia on New Year’s Eve.

Anyway, we were in Portugal the other month — and I don’t remember what we were doing — but Christine just made this comment about how she’s the garden — fixed and grounded — and I’m the bee…just whip-y and always buzzing about. And each are so different yet so interdependent on one another.

And I don’t know if its the best analogy — but together they do make honey — and I’ll take it…because life is sweeter with Christine.

So happy birthday Christine. And thank you for your love, your support, and your sacrifices.

None of it is lost on me, and that’s why this bee is going in for the buzz kill…to get the win even though it stings. Yes, for me…but for you, and for us, and for a more durable future together; one of eternal bloom.

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